Archeologists unearth ancient iPod from 2005 in junk drawer
WINDSOR, ON – Calling it a “rare specimen”, archaeologists announced Friday that they have unearthed what appears to be an Apple iPod, dating it from the geological period of 2005 based on …
Trump eager to turn away Syrian refugees he’s currently creating
WASHINGTON — After calling for airstrikes on three government sites in Syria, President Trump is reportedly most excited about the prospect of denying refugee status to the untold Syrian ci…
Tim Hortons releases donut commemorating Humboldt Broncos donut PR disaster
OAKVILLE — Tim Hortons has released a second “tragedy donut” commemorating the PR disaster that followed the release of a Humboldt Bronco’s donut. The “PR Disaster” donut features miniature…
Local woman flattered coworker chose her office to cry in
VANCOUVER—Local claims adjuster Laura Filberg is reportedly feeling a mix of gratitude and pride after, following what appeared to be a brief moment of deliberation, her colleague selected her of…
Canadians excited to buy Second Cup marijuana if there’s no Starbucks nearby
VANCOUVER — Following the news that Second Cup will convert some of its coffee shops to marijuana dispensaries, Canadians have resoundingly responded by asking if there’s a Starbucks dispen…
Doug Ford sticking it to downtown elites by not having a platform or really any ideas
TORONTO – PC leader Doug Ford has continued to stand up for the little guy by having literally no plan for the province’s future. “Folks, those elites want to know if I’m going to slash hea…
Young, hotshot Curling prospect turns 45
St. Alberta, AB – Richard ‘stone master’ Jones, the young bad boy of the Alberta curling scene, turned 45 years old yesterday. “Richard is clearly the next generation of Skips,” said TSN cu…
Heartwarming! This family run company is keeping nepotism alive
In an age of globalization, it’s heartening to know that there’s at least one faceless multinational corporation keeping the tradition of the family run business alive: global food giant T. D. Da…
Quiz: Are you one of the 96 ordinary citizens worthy of Leafs playoff tickets?
Only 96 Toronto Maple Leafs playoff tickets were available to the public for the team’s first home game. Are you worthy of one?…
Rest of Canada ‘super torn’ whether to support Winnipeg or Toronto in NHL playoffs
OTTAWA – As the NHL playoffs get started, Canadian hockey fans whose teams did not make the playoffs are faced with the incredibly difficult decision of whether to go with the Jets or Maple…
