Quebec to no longer protect Gilbert Rozon, unless he books Louis CK for JFL 2018
MONTREAL — With the return of sexual assault allegations against Just For Laughs founder Gilbert Rozon, influential members of the Quebec justice system have sworn not to protect him like they di…
Trump not worried about being indicted since he has air tight insanity defence
Turns out Trump has a pretty solid defence if Mueller ever tries to indict him.…
Magician’s vanishing assistant leaves skeleton behind
DEER CREVICE, ON – In a new twist on a classic illusion, one local magician has somehow managed to vanish his lovely assistant, but not her skeleton. “Yes, I am an excellent magician,” said…
Ethics watchdog says cabinet ministers must disclose how much of their wealth is pirate booty acquired during coming-of-age adventures
OTTAWA – In the wake of several recent scandals involving the finances of federal Liberals, Canada’s ethics commissioner has suggested new rules that would force ministers to disclose exact…
Bernie Sanders admiration of Canadian healthcare makes patient waiting 2 years for hip replacement feel much better
TORONTO – A woman who has been waiting for a hip replacement for the past two years is beaming with pride knowing that US Senator Bernie Sanders thinks that Canada’s healthcare system is st…
Nation can’t remember what Stephen Harper looks like
OTTAWA – In the wake of Stephen Harper’s open letter on the NAFTA renegotiations the entire nation of Canada has realized they no longer have any idea what their previous prime minister looks lik…
QUIZ: For God’s sake, what do the ghosts want?!?
Everyone has noticed the cryptic signs that form disturbing patterns around their home every evening. But are you able to decipher what the forces from beyond the veil want of you? Dear Lord what…
9 adorable Halloween outfits that will be offensive in 5 years
Ever had to censor a Throwback Thursday post because your parents decided to dress you as ‘Dreamcatcher Girl’ or ‘Generic Mexican’? Although it may seem like the days of offensive Halloween costu…
Wow! These laid off coal miners have retrained as social media influencers
Move over Trump! You’re not the only one bringing jobs back to coal miners. Once so-called victims of today’s highly automated economy, these seventeen former employees of Teck Resources Ltd. hav…
Wifi-enabled coffee maker ruins breakfast after spending another late night online
MARKHAM, ON—Winston and Claudette Reid say their wifi-enabled coffee maker has become dysfunctional, withdrawn, and that it spends an excessive amount of time surfing the internet. “It’s programm…