Local woman overcome with guilt after returning library book unread
CALGARY – Reading is known as a means of escape from the harshness of reality, but for one local woman who wishes to remain anonymous, a ticking clock turned her dream of a pleasant diversi…
Local man begrudgingly retires the word ‘awesomesauce’ from vocabulary
BURLINGTON, ON – This week, local single man Damian Chedley made the difficult decision to banish the phrase ‘awesomesauce’ from all written and verbal communication. It wasn’t an easy decision f…
Editorial: The feminist merchandise—I mean future—I want my daughter to have
By: Diane Momford As a mom and feminist, I know how important it is to set an example for my beautiful daughter, especially in these tumultuous times. That’s why I make a point of sitting down wi…
My mom is the strongest woman I know besides Gargantua The Mighty
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I appreciated my mother. Growing up, there were many times I wished she would lighten up and not be so strict with me and my siblings. But that was before I…
Suits actor Meghan Markle to marry man living off government assistance
WESTMINSTER – Actress Meghan Markle, who is best known from the television series Suits, is engaged to Henry Charles Albert David who, along with many of his family, is living on government…
Young, ambitious Leafs GM hopes to climb the ladder to better NHL teams
TORONTO – 32-year-old Kyle Dubas has accepted a temporary gig as General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs hoping to gain some valuable experience before he moves on to a more successful t…
Emergency Alert System texts ‘U Up?’ at 4am
OTTAWA – Following the nationwide Emergency Alert testing glitch this week that left thousands of Canadians staring expectantly at their phones for a message that never came, the system sou…
QUIZ: What is Neil Young whining about now?
You can hear the unmistakable wheeze of one of rock and roll’s most important singer-songwriters, but you can’t quite make out what his high pitched complaint is about this time. Take this quiz t…
Kathleen Wynne completes third draft of concession speech
TORONTO, ON – Liberal Party leader Kathleen Wynne announced this week that she has finished writing “the best draft yet” of her concession speech for the upcoming Provincial election. “Normally p…
Local man just wants to have a respectful debate with these Libtards
REGINA – Frustrated online commentator Keith Cook doesn’t understand why the cucks he is currently dealing with on facebook won’t engage in a meaningful and healthy dialogue wit…
