By: Trent O’Sullivan
I was rudely interrupted the other day listening to my favorite radio program when I heard this obnoxious beeping sound followed by a hysterical woman telling me that there was the possibility of tornadoes in my area and I should take cover. I rolled my eyes at this fake environmental propaganda – we all know that tornadoes don’t exist.
There’s always some kooky, conspiracy-theory weathermen out there who will tell you the sky is falling, but I’ve never seen it happen. And if you did, it’s just David Suzuki using his wind machine to bamboozle naive folk.
That movie Twister was all made up in a Hollywood studio. Helen Hunt may sound smart when she’s talking about ‘funnel clouds,’ and wind currents, but everyone knows it was a sci-fi/romance. Do you know what the ‘F’ stands for in ‘F5?’ Fujita. How can you trust a name like that?
Let’s not forget Environment Canada is a government department and they would make up stuff like this to get everyone in a hoopla. When has the government ever told the truth about something? I was told that they would pick up my garbage, but they’ve never come into my house and taken it from my kitchen. Now it’s overflowing into the dining room and the garage. I should have never trusted those lying federales.
And, for the record, my neighbour’s barn, brick house, and surrounding area was shabbily constructed so even the slightest wind would have blown them over anyway.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to yell at those damn kids for throwing my truck into a tree.