Saudi Arabia sanctions Canada from its lucrative flogging industries

RIYAHD – In yet another blow to Canadian international trade, Saudi Arabia said the Canadian government will no longer be able to access the country’s profitable corporal punishment industr…

Travel blogger posts photos of staycation spent lying in own filth

TORONTO – Popular travel blogger Anderson Patrick Cole has decided to document his most exhilarating adventure yet: a three-week staycation at home, spent lying in his own filth. “I have be…

Canadian television producing yet another period drama in order to recycle costumes from other period dramas

HALIFAX, NS – After decades of riveting Canadian period dramas lulling the nation to sleep, network television has decided to produce yet another historical Canadian television show in orde…

Alex Jones banned from Facebook, YouTube, Apple just in the nick of 5 years too late

PALO ALTO, CA — Facebook, iTunes, YouTube, and Spotify have announced that they will drop Alex Jones’ broadcasts effective immediately, as part of an effort to do nothing whatsoever to prev…

Canada aims to reduce number of detained migrant children to number still higher than zero

OTTAWA – Proving once again that the world needs more Canada, Public Safety minister Ralph Goodale has announced we will reduce the number of detained migrant children from ‘way more than you thi…

The Beaverton to launch Ontario News Net to compete with Ford’s fake news channel

TORONTO – The Beaverton, North America’s Most Trusted Source of News, will be launching its own version of the Ontario PC government’s “Ontario News Now.” Ontario News Net will provide TV-n…

Caribana to be replaced by ‘Scotiabank Celebration Of Noise Complaints’

TORONTO – Following the last-minute cancellation of the popular Caribana event Carnival Kingdom, city officials have decided that next year, instead of the Toronto Caribbean Carnival Parade…

Canada’s arms-for-human rights trade agreement somehow faltering in Saudi Arabia

RIYADH – Canada’s trade strategy of arms-for-human rights hit a snag on Sunday when the Saudi government expelled the Canadian Ambassador and suspended any new business after asking for the…

Fat guy has a lot of nicknames

CALGARY – Local overweight man, Chuck “Tiny” Dunkirk, has noticed that his friends have found no shortage of quirky nicknames that exploit his most noticeable feature. “Nicknames are a great way …

4th layer of sunscreen slathered onto child wearing hat, sunglasses and welder’s mask

ST ANDREWS, NB –  Three-year-old Gillian O’Shea was successfully coated in a fourth layer of sunscreen today before her family’s trip to the beach, “just to be safe,” according to her fathe…