LOS ANGELES – Beating out more traditional horror villains, trend-spotters have declared “angry middle-aged white guy” this year’s scariest Halloween costume.
Perennial icons of terror like Jason, Michael Myers, and Ghostface can’t hold a flaming tiki-torch to 2018’s most fearsome face of murderous rage: an average-looking white guy between 40 to 65 years of age.
Facial hair varies between clean shaven and sinister goatee, but all costumes must include a beer gut and receding hairline. Some revellers wear Proud Boys polo shirts instead of the standard grimy t-shirt, but almost all opt to accessorize with an AR-15.
“Last year I dressed as Leatherface with a working chainsaw and no one was actually scared,” said Kyle Davidson, a thirteen year old from Sacramento. “But when I went to school dressed like a loser with a pillow under my shirt, bags under my eyes, and a truckload of hateful opinions the non white students screamed and ran away.”
“And no matter how much I shouted that blacks, Jews, and Hillary deserve to die, my behaviour was always excused as mental illness.”
One amazing feature of the costume is, no matter how much duct tape you use, the label “terrorist” will not stick to it.
This new face of horror is being widely discussed across social media, except on Gab where users were unable to weigh in on the debate since the site’s service was taken down in the middle of a poll on whether intercepting mail bombs was a criminal government limitation of free speech.