This Legend of Zelda sword will surely prove a sound investment - The Beaverton

This Legend of Zelda sword will surely prove a sound investment

I was at when I saw it – A : Ocarina of Time replica . I would have walked right by if a teenage boy dressed as Deadpool didn’t bump me while sexually harassing a nearby female (in character, of course!)

I inquired as to the price and discovered that much like Link’s Master Sword, it would cost more than a few rupees. I did not let that deter me because I consider this sword an investment, no different than a VR headset or a high-value Magic: The Gathering card.

Since The Great Sword Crash of 2008, the sword market has made a healthy rebound, seeing market share increases for replica swords such as Sting from Lord of the Rings, Needle from Game of Thrones, and even my gun sword, which is, yes, a combination of a gun and sword from the anime series Gun Sword.

Finally, a sword is not just a financial investment, but a pragmatic purchase as well. Let’s not forget that it’s also a weapon. In the likely case that North America crumbles under the weight of its own corruption and hypocrisy, I may have to defend myself from Mad Max-ian hooligans.

For example, say my wife (which I will probably have once the swordless men are killed off) is kidnapped by robbers. They spirit her away to a tomb with a Triforce symbol on the door. Guess what also has a Triforce symbol on it? That’s right, my investment. One Zelda-themed slice and dice later, and my wife is safe at home, refusing to give me a foot massage.

Until that time, I’ll nurture my sword’s financial growth by placing it in an RRSP (Registered Retirement Sword Plan). Like property, swords never lose value, unless somebody makes a better sword. And Mister? The Zelda sword is the best god damn sword around.