CAQ insists religious symbol ban can’t be Islamophobic if it’s also anti-Semitic

QUEBEC CITY – Quebec’s Premier-elect Francois Legault defended his plan to prevent public servants from wearing religious garments as pro-Muslim, since it will be a detriment to a larger nu…

Conservatives: ‘If we had re-negotiated NAFTA we would have capitulated immediately but also gotten Canada everything we wanted’

Luke and the Panel (Jocelyn Geddie, Dave Barclay, Jen MacIntyre) make jokes about complicated international trade agreements! They break down why ‘USMCA’ is a terrible acronym (1:30),…

Will Canada’s dairy industry be affected by the discovery of a distant, earth-like planet that may produce and export milk?

OTTAWA – The discovery of a far-away dwarf planet on the outer limits beyond Pluto has many Canadians asking the same question: how will this affect Canada’s supply management system of its…

Dollarama already stocking decorations for your funeral

MONTREAL –  Despite the event being at least several months away, Dollarama, the nation’s largest dollar store chain, has already begun stocking decorations for your funeral. As early as la…

Modern day Scrooge McFuck doesn’t give out his wifi password to anyone

LONDON, ON – In a Dickensian turn of events, local miser Scrooge McFuck has refused to reveal the various characters that comprise his wireless network password to his “friend” that he hims…

Update: Quebec not distinct from Ontario and USA

QUEBEC CITY – After decades of claiming to be a society distinct from the rest of North America, Quebec went and did the same damn thing as Ontario and the USA. Despite centuries of being a…

Trade war over: Remembering our brave economists

OTTAWA – With the great macroeconomic conflict that pitted Canada against its American foe all but over, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau marked the occasion to remember the veterans of Canada…

Lindsey Graham demands FBI investigation into whether sexual assault even that big a deal

WASHINGTON D.C. – As the FBI begins its investigation of sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, Senator Lindsay Graham has called for an investigation int…

Experts warn new NAFTA deal could put thousands of op-ed writers out of work

OTTAWA – As the Trudeau government celebrated saving the country’s free trade deal with America and Mexico, experts were already warning that the renewed agreement could devastate the burge…

Man reviewing credit card bill horrified to discover he the anonymous $1,000 tipping hero

STRATFORD, ON – Local man Daniel Lark was shocked to learn of his heroic actions when he accidentally tipped a server $1,000 for a $20 meal while preparing to pay his monthly VISA bill. “Oh…