TORONTO – In a surprise move sure to boost the party’s popularity among Torontonians, the Ontario Conservative government has completely solved Toronto’s housing crisis for every resident who is also currently serving as an MPP.
“We have been putting pressure on the government to do something about the rising cost of living in Toronto for ages, to no avail,” stated Toronto housing advocate Mona Singer. “So it was remarkable to see such bold and decisive action from Queen’s Park. In one vote, they found a solution to the housing needs of countless politicians.”
The government-controlled Board of Internal Economy recently voted to increase provincial lawmakers’ monthly housing allowance by 20%. The move is meant specifically to assist MPPs who were forced to move to Toronto as a result of their choice to run for provincial office, since these legislators are considered by many to be Ontario’s most vulnerable.
“Folks, the downtown elites have been complaining about Toronto housing prices for years,” stated Ontario Premier Doug Ford in a press conference today. “Some members of the left wing media seem to think that I don’t care about the good people of Toronto, but today we are listening. I am proud to say that the Toronto housing crisis is over for all hard working folks who already collect a $116,500.00 parliamentary salary.”
Only one of the two voting members of the Board of Internal Economy is a Conservative legislator, while the other one is a member of the Ontario NDP. When reached for comment on whether her party wished to share credit for solving the crisis, NDP leader Andrea Horwath said simply “That’s ok, they can have this one.”
The announcement has been particularly popular amongst Toronto’s university and college students, who were delighted to see the money saved from the elimination of free tuition be put to good use.