BRAMPTON – After months of grueling and complicated experiments and tests, scientists have come to the conclusion that Kyle Smith-Reynolds is a completely awful human being and they hate him. Sm...
Dark Phoenix Review: You’d think after 13 X-Men films, at least ONE would be about professional candle making, but NO
With the release of its final X-franchise offering, Fox has hammered the final nail into the coffin of a franchise that has refused to accurately depict the time-honoured art of candle making, defying...
Tesla reveals plans for self-actualizing car
MENLO PARK – This week, technology giant Tesla Motors announced plans to design and build a new generation of self-actualized cars. “I envision a world where we own cars that not only drive them...
Nation’s dads demand investigation into where the hell this moron learned how to drive
OTTAWA – The nation’s dads assembled on Parliament Hill today demanding that Transport Canada investigate where in the hell this moron learned how to drive and who exactly was the idiot th...
Productivity Hack: find one thing you want to do each day and then really hate yourself if you don’t do it
For many of us, it can be hard to get motivated, especially if we have a lot of demands on our time. That’s why productivity experts are suggesting an innovative new approach to getting things done: p...
Banks concerned looming recession may hinder Millennial ability to build up crippling debt
OTTAWA — This week, financial analysts reported that the North American economy is showing major signs of a looming recession, which could negatively impact the abilities of youths to owe banks ...
Unimaginative Alice in Wonderland School play contains total lack of psychedelic drugs
Whitby, ON – A production of Alice in Wonderland staged at P.L. Thomas Elementary School has reportedly disappointed many audience members due to the directors and cast’s unfortunate failure to explor...
Make-Out Point officially renamed “Butt-Stuff Hill”
GRADSVILLE, AB – “Make-Out Point,” the spot which overlooks the city and has served as a romantic getaway for young couples to drive to since the 1950s, was officially been renamed “Butt-Stuff ...
Zombie therapist wants patients to know that they can’t keep running from their problems
TORONTO – Licensed therapist and recently alive man Dr. Mark Conway wishes everyone would understand that simply fleeing from their problems is unhelpful, unhealthy, and frankly, a little selfis...
Take it from me, an opinion columnist with no expertise, the MMIWG Commission’s use of the term genocide is wrong
By: Hubert Anderson I hate to be the one to say it, because I consider myself a long time supporter of indigenous Canadians. But in my opinion the claim in the MMIWG Final Report that the deaths of th...
