TORONTO – After a shopping trip to the Eaton Centre earlier today, Michelle Johnson returned home with yet another book on productivity to add to her already vast collection of never finished bo...
CRA defends “Twelve strikes, you’re out!” rule for millionaire tax dodgers
OTTAWA – The Canada Revenue Agency is insisting that another secret settlement that allows wealthy individuals and corporations who engaged in offshore tax avoidance schemes to avoid public tria...
Millennial lottery winner excited to finally quit one of his five jobs
VANCOUVER – Thirty-one year old lottery winner Michael R. Fernandez announced today that his recent winnings will allow him to finally hand-in his notice of resignation at one of the five jobs h...
Trump announces tariff on Canada’s three-pointers
OAKLAND, CA – US President Donald Trump has issued trade sanctions against all of Canada’s three-pointers. The President applied Section 232 Trade Expansion Act which slapped a one-point fine on...
Belize changes national anthem to ‘Belize It or Not, I’m Walking on Air’
BELMOPAN, BELIZE- After a parliamentary debate that stretched into the wee hours, the government of Belize, the Central American country of approximately 400,000 people changed its national anthem to,...
Caledon teen debates pawning grandparent’s Royal Canadian Mint collection to pay for coke
CALEDON, ON – Last Friday, Davin Charles, 17, was gifted a collection of Royal Canadian Mint, forcing Charles into a difficult predicament when he realized it’s resale value was the equivalent of a ha...
Report: Laptop tired of staying up until 3am every night
TORONTO – According to reports, Stephanie McGrath’s laptop simply can’t keep up with her late nights, most often consisting of google searches such as “Tilda Swinton how old” and Buzzfeed quizze...
NBA streams subreddit becomes Canada’s #1 TV provider
TORONTO – Following the Raptors’ incredible postseason run, Canadian TV ratings agencies and sources inside web content aggregator Reddit confirmed today that the subreddit r/nbastreams has beco...
Scheer marches in Pride after mistaking parade for Yellow Vest demonstration
SASKATOON – Conservative Party Leader Andrew Scheer found himself unintentionally marching in a local pride parade after mistaking the celebration for a Yellow Vest demonstration. Last week, Sch...
Man who waited in line for three days to get into Jurassic Park horrified to discover he can just watch game at home
TORONTO – Local man Jerome Dobbins, who has been waiting in line to get into Toronto’s famed Raptors viewing party square since Saturday at 9am, was shocked and quite frankly furious to discover...
