PELEE ISLAND, ON – In accordance with the new rules mandated by the provincial government, Ontario’s wines will now be required to make a $1,000 donation to the Ontario PC Party to receive a Dou...
Finally Achieve a Work-Life Balance by Cutting Jessica Out of Your Life
Juggling your career and your personal life is no easy feat; with family, friends, and work obligations pulling you in a hundred different directions, it’s close to impossible to secure a healthy bala...
Terrified man still trapped in friend’s immersive theatre show
NEW YORK – 50 year old mechanic Paul Jenson is currently in a state of panic after spending the last four hours unsuccessfully trying to leave critically-acclaimed “Into Our Collective Darkness,” a ne...
Château Laurier adds emergency eyewash stations for those disgusted with addition
OTTAWA – The Château Laurier has added ten new emergency eye wash stations for locals and tourists alike in the event their eyes come in direct contact with the newly approved addition. With con...
Woman devastated to be excluded from activity she hates
CALGARY — In an unprecedented level of betrayal, Simone Walkins was excluded by several women, whom she thought to be her closest friends, from a Mud Run – an activity they know she despis...
Regretful voting machine lobby realizes Mitch McConnell would have blocked election security bills for free
WASHINGTON – Lobbyists for the companies that make electronic voting machines used in American elections are apologizing profusely to the industry that funds them for wasting money attempting to...
Irvings demand entire province of New Brunswick stand on one foot
FREDRICTON — The entire province of New Brunswick has been ground to a halt after influential billionaire family the Irvings ordered all residents to stand on one foot. Across the province, ever...
“I agree with Andrew Scheer” says woman who just used a shockingly out of date racial slur
MADAWASKA COUNTY, NB — As a “Community Residents of Orchard Road’s Association” meeting came to a close, Donna Trapmen finished off her final conversation of the evening by admitting...
Heartwarming: City of Calgary donates $275M to local billionaire
CALGARY – In the midst of an economic downturn that has negatively affected many Calgarians, the City of Calgary has decided to open its heart, and its wallet, with a pledge to spend $275 millio...
Man who lost Conservative Party leadership by less than 1% proposes border fence
MISSISSAUGA – A former party member who placed a very close second in the Conservative leadership race in 2017 has proposed a border fence to block asylum seekers from crossing the border. The M...
