‘I’m training for a marathon’ says woman to anyone
Hamilton, ON – Local woman, Sarah Kinst, has decided to combat the winter blues by participating in the “Around The Bay” marathon and informing anyone within a three kilometer radius to her…
I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question “if I was Prime Minister?”
EDITORIAL BY JAGMEET SINGH, NDP LEADER I’m sorry, could you repeat that question again? What exactly do you mean when you say “what I would do if I was Prime Minister?” Are you referring to…
Local man’s dog has better jacket than him
TORONTO – This week dog owner Ben Mazer shocked Bickford dog park by showing up with a dog with a significantly better jacket. Clad in a simple coat from an army surplus outlet, Mazer seemed unfa…
Progressive RCMP policy requires officers to recite land acknowledgement before seizing indigenous land
OTTAWA – A progressive RCMP policy will require officers to read an indigenous land acknowledgement out loud every time they enforce a court ordered seizing of traditional indigenous land. …
Giving back to the community: Winnipeg police helicopter plays road hockey with local kids
WINNIPEG – Taking time out of its busy day of pursuing suspects from above, the Winnipeg Police Services helicopter was down to earth playing road hockey with some youngsters in the North E…
Breaking: Cat unimpressed
KAMLOOPS, BC – After several alarming reports, we can now confirm that the Jacobs family house cat, Jojo, is not having any of it. “He won’t eat, he won’t respond to his name. He’s just kind of s…
Florida man growing increasingly suspicious of the perfectly normal day he’s having
Jacksonville, FL — Florida resident Dave Peterson has spent the majority of his afternoon desperately watching for potential threats after having a totally regular, non-headline-worthy day.…
Local stalker growing increasingly concerned about your poor dietary habits
TORONTO — Neighbourhood creep Roger Andrews wants you to know that he has been watching you every night for the past six months, and has become extremely worried about your increasingly dec…
Trudeau promises “best ever” reconciliation speech after RCMP break down Indigenous barricade for pipeline
HOUSTON, B.C. — As the RCMP arrested 14 people at the Gidimt’en camp, which is blocking access for pipeline construction, Prime Minister Trudeau pledged that his reconciliation speech…
Autopsy confirms Paddy Murphy died of alcohol poisoning
ST JOHN’S – An autopsy of Patrick Murphy has confirmed that the local man died after a long night of binge drinking with his friends on George Street. “Every drink in the place was full the…
