Are you ready for summer? Well we sure are, and to help you make the most of it, we’ve made a list of these mind-blowing acts going on tour, and again, we apologize for our intern Jake’s overzealous love for the works of Karl Marx
6. Backstreet Boys
Backstreet’s Back alright! That’s right, the boy band who made the soundtrack to your highschool years is on tour! But the true boys of the backstreets are the members of the working class, who should organize and strike to shake the pillars of capitalism to its core. The WORKERS Want It That Way!
Okay Jake that joke was cute but that’s not what this list is about.
5. Paul McCartney
One of the most famous songwriters in history is hitting the road, and his show is a MUST SEE experience. Unfortunately, an experience that most people feel is alienation from their labour and each other. This framework has made us view everything transactionally, including social connections, further isolating us.
So you can kind of see what Jake’s trying to say here but he didn’t need to bring Paul McCartney into this.
4. The Black Keys
The Black Keys have returned from an extended hiatus with a new single, Lo/Hi, and a tour to go along with it! Hopefully soon the long dormant class-consciousness of the proletariat will return to let loose the shackles of the oppressed who –
Alright now, that’s a little dramatic isn’t it?
3. Ariana Grande
Coming hot off the heels of her latest album: thank u, next. Ariana Grande’s Sweetener Tour is blowing minds across the world! A world in which a spectre is haunting, the spectre of commun-Whoa okay. That’s a WAY too much, Christ, where did we even find you?
2. Billie Eilish
Billie Eilish is the breakout musician of 2019! Come see what all the fuss is about and while you’re at it, recognize the fact that, in order for business to make profit, they must systematically pay all of their workers less than the value they create, and that this is theft.
–Wait. Is that what profits are? Jake if you had lead with that, you wouldn’t have to slip all this stuff into a list about concerts.
1. The Red Army Choir
Oh fuck off, we’re done here. Get your things and tell your professor we aren’t giving you your co-op credit.