Leaked Ontario election poll shows Ontarians ranked dead last
TORONTO – A newly leaked poll from EKOS research shows that Ontarians are poised to be the losers in the upcoming provincial election. “The popular vote is deadlocked between the NDP and th…
Ordinary woman lifts car to rescue helpless burrito
TORONTO – Local woman Emily Pallister went above and beyond today, summoning superhuman strength to save her defenseless carne asada burrito that was about to be crushed by a careless drive…
Kathleen Wynne loses Kathleen Wynne endorsement
TORONTO — As the provincial election looms, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne announced that she is rescinding her endorsement of Liberal leader Kathleen Wynne. “This was a difficult decision,…
Canada responds to US tariffs by asking which Trump child they need to bribe
OTTAWA — Following Thursday’s Washington announcement of steel and aluminum tariffs against many of its closest allies, including Canada, Ottawa has asked which Trump kid they need to pay o…
Progress! Woman-friendly workplace installs crying room
VANCOUVER—As more and more women have fought their way into once male-dominated careers, some employers have been slow to adjust to the needs of female employees. But thanks to some creative and …
Drake: “I only love my bed and my mom and abortions”
TORONTO — After a scathing diss track by rapper Pusha T unearthed texts from Drake to a secret lover telling her to abort their child, Drake has amended a popular lyric from his hit song “G…
Samantha Bee apologizes for calling shitbag a cunt
NEW YORK CITY – Comedian Samantha Bee and TBS have issued an apology for calling noted shitbag Ivanka Trump a “feckless cunt” during a segment of “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” about the …
Canada considers tariffs on US canned water
OTTAWA – As a retaliation in an escalating trade war between the US and the rest of the world, Canada is considering placing a 25% tariff on all American canned and glass bottled water incl…
Nation’s mothers just checking in to make sure you’ve brought a light jacket with you today
OTTAWA – As the weather fluctuates from warm to cold, the nation’s mothers are checking in with their adult children to make sure they’ve remembered to bring something along with them, “in …
Inspiring! This incel dealt with being single by making himself toxically unfuckable
We’ve all been there. You don’t have a main squeeze of your own, and it seems like everywhere you look are happy romantic couples who are going out of their way to make sure YOU don’t forget it. …
