TORONTO – Local man Dennis Hendricks believes this could be the year the Leafs finally end their playoff losing streak against the Boston Bruins, mostly because he’s a dumb fuck who says dumb fuck things.
“I know we’ve struggled against them in the past, but I really think this is our year,” said the moron who doesn’t realize that to be a Leafs fan is to know only suffering.
“I mean we took them to 7 last year and we didn’t even have Tavares then!” added the man who we assume failed Kindergarten due to his sheer idiocy and who probably also believes that the NDP are going to win the Alberta election and Doug Ford is about to fix Toronto’s transit problems.
Many NHL analysts have said that while the Leafs possess a strong combination of speed and skill, they also possess a strong combination of ‘how the fuck can a team with this many good players play so shitty?’ and ‘a defence corps that can’t figure out which are the opponents jerseys’ which will likely be a small problem against a veteran Boston team that has owned them all year. But his hasn’t stopped hardcore fucknuts across the GTA from holding out hope.
“Yeah I heard Dennis say he thinks the Leafs have a real shot,” said Hendricks’ boss Jane. “So I immediately demoted him back to the mail room. We just can’t have the village idiot heading up our foreign sales department, you know?”
“Wait, someone thinks we’re going to win? Oh, god,” said coach Mike Babcock. “Does the dipshit has selective amnesia, like in Memento?”
Psychologists recommend anyone who sincerely believes the Leafs are going to beat the Bruins immediately check themselves into a care facility for delusional thoughts, or at least take an IQ test to see if they are, in fact, the alpha idiot prophecy foretold would one day be born.
At press time, fuck it: Leafs in 6.