Only in New York…...
Report: Self-entitled Generation Z wants to live past the age of 40
NEW YORK – A new report has indicated that the next generation of children are so entitled that they want to live past the age of 40 with no desire to perish in a climate apocalypse. “Kids these...
Local man determined not to cry at Come From Away
TORONTO – Local middle-aged electrician Albert Taves recently bought tickets to the popular musical Come From Away, and is confident he will make it through the entire performance without sheddi...
Friend sends 68 consecutive texts for 6 word message
SASKATOON – An avalanche of texts from Alisha Kostyshyn was sent to her friend today to convey the question “what are you up to tonight?” Clarissa Hamilton’s smart phone unnecessarily vibrated d...
Trudeau wondering how long until it’s cool for him to do blackface again
OTTAWA — As the Liberal electoral campaign is rocked by revelations that Justin Trudeau has worn both black and brownface, the embattled PM has quietly asked aides how long it will be until peop...
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” asks man who really wishes someone would just tell him already
CAPE BRETON, NS – Frank Thompson has spent his entire life searching for the answer to a question that no one in his life is willing to answer, no matter how many times he asks: whether or not a bear ...
Schools complain student climate strikes affecting their ability to teach kids apathy
CALGARY – As millions of youths all over the world strike to demand action on the climate crisis, schools are concerned that the outpouring of activism is undoing all the work they’ve put in to ...
Starving Canadians from 2050 wished the 2019 election was about the climate crisis
RUINS OF TORONTO – A group of starving Canadians from the year 2050 lamented on the ill-fated 2019 election, the last chance the country had to save itself and the world from a climate change ap...
Other parties race to reveal horrific histories of own candidates while media focused on Trudeau scandal
OTTAWA – The Greens, Conservatives and NDP are taking advantage of the media storm surrounding Justin Trudeau’s blackface and brownface scandal to release all of the skeletons from their o...
Shocking brownface photos indicate wealthy man raised in privilege might suck
Wait, you’re saying Justin Trudeau might… suck?...
