“Kids these days long-life handouts,” said 70-year-old Vincent Cavendish, the author of the study. “Back in my day, we earned our life span with hard work, determination, and not giving a shit about the environment so we could make more short-term profit and live in large houses we don’t need. And we turned out just fine.”
The report outlined that Greta Thunberg’s generation should have tried harder being born in a generation which is expected to die before most of the mass extinction occurs.
“They want their rainforests, sensitive ecosystems, and not die in a mass flood, forest fire, or drought,” said 44-year-old Harold Blume. “They’re always thinking about humanity – why can’t it be me, me, me?”
“Let’s be realistic, is living another few decades really worth giving up the hundreds of billions governments give to the oil and gas industry?” rhetorically asked an unemployed 29-year-old.
At press time, Baby Boomers, Generation Xers, and Millennials were still waiting for a thank you from Thunberg whose inaction on climate change made her so famous.