Edmonton expected to get hit with 10 cm of Oilers jerseys tonight
EDMONTON – Environment Canada has issued a special weather advisory for the Edmonton area which is expected to receive up to 10 cm of Edmonton Oilers jerseys from disillusioned fans tonight…
Man who has consumed every Fyre Fest documentary and podcast now kinda wants to go to Fyre Fest
WINNIPEG — After watching both new documentaries about the infamous Fyre Fest, as well as copious other reporting, local barista Geoff Markson now wishes he could attend the disastrous musi…
Salami industry issues their own food guide mainly consisting of Salami
OTTAWA – In response to Health Canada’s new food guide that emphasises a plant based diet and unprocessed food, the salami industry has produced its own rival food and nutrition guide, the …
Report: There are a bunch of cities outside Toronto with their own streets and buildings and stuff
TORONTO – In a recent report released by the Canadian Geographical Society, there appear to be upwards of 10 cities outside of Toronto that not only have a bunch of buildings and houses wit…
Going Public: This pensioner was overcharged on her car insurance so we brutally murdered the people responsible
A senior driver was shocked to discover that her insurance company was over-billing her with an added premium she never asked for, but justice has been served since our Going Public Team brutally…
Tories claim leaked health care privatization docs merely drafts that reflect their ultimate goals and intentions
TORONTO – Responding to multiple document leaks that indicate the government will privatize significant parts of Ontario’s health care services, the Ford government assured Ontarians that t…
Referee reverses call after man yells at TV loud enough
ORILLIA, ON – Upon hearing that he’d made a “bullshit call” from a distant voice that powered its way through the television screen, an NHL referee reversed his penalty decision this evenin…
Tories double-down on using Heritage Minutes to blame Trudeau for 1850s Irish refugee crisis
TORONTO – Despite requests not to use Heritage Minutes for political purposes by its creators, the Conservative Party of Canada has released a new attack ad using the 1991 Heritage Minute o…
Totally Retro! US kicks it old school with dangerous arms race against Russia
It’s like, time to get totally radical because the United States government is returning to the 80’s with neon colours, Duran Duran and no treaties to prevent nuclear war. The whole thing started…
‘Chivalry is dead,’ whines man who has never once presided over a village of unwashed peasants
TORONTO – After a disappointing first date in which he felt his romantic gestures went unappreciated, Mike Peterson mourned the demise of chivalry, despite having never led an army, compete…
