Stampede officials place tarp over Stampede
CALGARY – Stampede officials have confirmed they will be placing a giant tarp over the entire Calgary Stampede at the next year’s rodeo to protect people from seeing what is being done to l…
Budget-wise Canadian military purchases cheaper No Name missiles
OTTAWA – Working within a tighter budget for a middle-power, the Department of National Defence says it will be saving money by going with the No Name Brand missiles instead of the more exp…
Pence assures Americans that concentration camp he just toured could never happen here
MCALLEN, TX — After stoically touring a migrant detention center with nearly 400 men crammed inside fenced cages, Vice President Mike Pence assured the American people that this kind of bar…
Wellness fail! This infant thinks breastmilk counts as clean eating
Between tracking down organic produce, making sure our diets have the right amount of nutrients, and keeping an eye out for pesky GMOs, clean eating can be hard for many of us. But sadly, the tem…
“Don’t Walk” sign sometimes counts down to green light just to fuck with people
TORONTO – An errant pedestrian crossing light has recently been revealed to deploy a countdown from 15 to 0 only to end up in a green light in a bid to screw with the minds of local citizens. “I’…
QUIZ: Did you grow up watching TVOKids, YTV, or are you a well-adjusted adult that doesn’t use nostalgia as a crutch?
Ahhh Canadian children’s programming! What a concept! A cornerstone of rad 90s kids who grew up glued to the tube after school for hours on end, until their moms got home and yelled at them for l…
Zounds! Foolhardy woman to travel solo without gentleman chaperone!
TORONTO – To the extreme consternation and dismay of the right-thinkers around her, Trisha MacDonald, a girl-child of 23, announced yesterday that she has taken it upon herself to venture forth i…
‘Recognizing fascism is the first step to combating fascism’ says man doing none of the other steps
HOUSTON – “Recognizing fascism is the first step to combating fascism”, reads the latest Facebook post from local man Jeremy Sanders, who has yet to follow up with any of the other steps. “…
Contrite Acosta insists given second chance he would hide Epstein’s sex trafficking completely differently
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following this week’s indictment of wealthy serial child abuser Jeffrey Epstein, Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta responded has discussed his involvement in a controversia…
Children agree not to get abducted after 8 PM so Amber Alert doesn’t wake anyone up
TORONTO – After receiving numerous complaints about Canada’s Amber Alert system that is activated day or night, the nation’s children have agreed to restrict their abduction times between t…
