Sherbrooke, QC – Local teenager, Jeremy Powers, has grounded his parents for continuously leaving the house and not heeding Public Health’s warning to self isolate.
“I’m at the end of my wits!” said the 16 year old Jeremy Powers, after catching his mom, Doris Powers, sneaking out for the third time this week. “I don’t know how to get through to them that this pandemic is serious. They’re at that age now, where they just don’t want to listen!”
Jeremy has instigated a strict curfew, banning his parents from leaving the house for quick coffees with Aunt Margaret, seeing if the bookstore has any more murder mysteries in stock or to finally return those shelves to IKEA. Jeremy has even hidden the car keys and confiscated their Costco membership.
“If this behaviour continues, there will be more consequences,” stated Jeremy, from the kitchen table during a family meeting, after finding a dummy made from tupperware containers in their bed. Doris reportedly rolled her eyes while Jeremy’s father, Frank, whined about how “Uncle Trevor’s son lets him leave the house!” to which Jeremy responded “if Uncle Trevor jumped off a cliff, would you?”
According to parental behaviour specialist, Dr. Rachel Connors, Jeremy’s parents are in a crucial stage in their life where they think they’re invincible and this sort of disobedience is normal. She recommends establishing new trust boundaries with a reward system using stickers and a calendar – for every day Jeremy’s parents follow the rules, they will receive a sticker. Seven stickers in a row and Jeremy can show his parents how to stream the Good Fight on CBS all access.
“This is so unfair!!” exclaimed Doris Powers, between pops of her Nicorette gum. “I wish you were never born!” before storming off to her room, slamming the door, and calling her son a bitch.
“I just hope their parents give them just as much of a hard time as they’ve done for me,” signed Jeremy.
However, despite his best efforts, Jeremey later found a bag by the door containing a change of clothes, a Home Depot receipt, and sensible runners with orthotic inserts for plantar fasciitis.