Editorial by Tiffany Renaldo I finally got the nose that I have dreamt about, but no one has even seen it because of these damn masks! Normally in March my Daddy sends me on a trip to Barbados, but th...
Career woman settles
WASHINGTON – Sources confirm that US Senator, former prosecutor and California Attorney General, and lifelong career gal Kamala Harris has finally decided to share her ticket with someone. “Sure, for ...
Buffalo welcomes Jays with ballpark renovations that include robotic fan chucking beer cans onto the field
BUFFALO – In an attempt to welcome the Toronto Blue Jays into their 2020 home, Buffalo’s Sahlen Field has added a number of details to make the Blue Jays feel like they are playing at the Rogers...
Putin assures world COVID-19 vaccine has been rigorously tested on political opponents
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced the successful development of the world’s first COVID-19 vaccine, which was rigorously tested on his political opponents and journalists. ...
Super Soaker wielding Priest just baptized the shit out of this kid
Goderich, ON — Since the COVID outbreak, the Catholic church has begun social distance baptizing, arming their priests with holy water-guns, shooting from the hip to bring young children into the ligh...
Local woman makes old Barbies kiss just to feel something
MONTREAL – This week, Lauren Katsufrakis’ friends and family were growing increasingly concerned as she had been repeatedly making her old dolls make out in order to feel anything aside from the...
Lockheed Martin waves shiny metal dick at Canadian government in $19 billion mating display
OTTAWA – Aerospace manufacturer Lockheed Martin has presented its newest metal phallus to the Canadian government in a bid to win the $19 billion competition to replace the military’s aging peck...
Citing a culture of fear, anti-maskers remove stop signs
TORONTO – Members of an anti-mask group have taken down an intersection’s stop signs to remove what they call a culture of fear towards oncoming traffic. For years, the red octagons have terrori...
Conservatives allow Andrew Scheer to re-open debate on abortion as a special goodbye treat
OTTAWA – As Andrew Scheer’s terms as Conservative Party leader nears its end, party brass has decided to give the departing leader a special sendoff: permission to re-open the abortion debate fo...
Where are they now? We sat down with Don Cherry and immediately regretted it
In November 2019, beloved hockey commentator Don Cherry was fired from Hockey Night In Canada, after he made comments claiming immigrants were disrespecting fallen Canadian veterans by not purchasing ...
