Putin assures world COVID-19 vaccine has been rigorously tested on political opponents - The Beaverton

Putin assures world COVID-19 vaccine has been rigorously tested on political opponents

MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir has announced the successful development of the ’s first vaccine, which was rigorously tested on his political opponents and journalists.

All three phases of clinical trials have now been completed thanks to a number of oligarchs convicted in show trails, LGBT activists under house arrest, and disloyal state governors.

“Anti-corruption protesters generously donated their blood livers for vaccine research,” explained Putin. “Our scientists have successfully used pre-existing research on anti-war demonstrators to develop an Ebola vaccine, so we were halfway there.”

Russia is expected to begin a country-wide vaccination campaign, which is expected to inoculate and/or kill millions.

Test subjects were reported to be happy and healthy, though some side-effects included leaping out of seven-storey windows.

The Russian leader said that the country would be willing to share the vaccine with the US so long as is re-elected.