In November 2019, beloved hockey commentator Don Cherry was fired from Hockey Night In Canada, after he made comments claiming immigrants were disrespecting fallen Canadian veterans by not purchasing a poppy for Remembrance Day. Nine months after that landmark decision, we caught up with Don and holy shit folks why did we ever think this was a good idea.
It was a bit naïve to assume Mr. Cherry’s views had softened with everything going on right now. Soon after sitting down with the former national icon, our hubris had slapshot us in the face.
Mr. Cherry, now wearing a poppy-patterned three-piece suit that looks as if it hasn’t been changed in over half a year, chatted with us about life after Hockey Night In Canada, his new podcast, and his belligerent politics… while our poor interviewer was wallowing in crippling remorse.
Interviewer: Don Cherry, thank you for sitting with u-
Don Cherry: Mr. Cherry.
I: Oh… um… I guess-
DC: Are you the one from that pinko rag The Beaverton?
I: Ye-
DC: Well you tell those cuckaloos that it’s about damn time they came to see what I was up to. Not sitting around with my thumb up my ass like you commie fucks.
I: Whoa man what the he-
DC: See that’s one of the benefits about my new podcast format. I don’t have the left-wing PC police bearing down on me telling me mind my language. My new social feeds have been doing great.
I: Okay let’s um… alright that’s good I guess uhhh. How is the new podcast goi-
DC: Fantastic. I’m over the moon with the response we’ve been getting. Look at these comments: Tanya_1984 says “Sportsnet doesn’t know what they’re missing,” LeafzzHNIC says “Can’t tell the difference! Who needs Ron Maclean!” StormfrontHH says “Love to see the man work,” I assume HH stands for Hello Hockey, of course. Sounds like a good Canadian boy.
I: So… ah jeez… I see that your latest podcast numbers on YouTube show views around five hundr-
DC: Look, listen, it’s a different format alright, without my suits on screen, why else would anyone pay attention? You gotta work with the tools you’re given. See Rocket Richard, that was a good lad who built up his skills from the bottom up, and that’s what you’re seeing here. Cold, hard, drive and rugged Canadian spirit.
I: So um… ugh… at this point I legally have to ask but what else have you been up to since Hockey Night I–
DC: The firing? I regret nothing. Just like I don’t regret supporting the Iraq invasion. I don’t regret calling people troublemakers for walking by the G20 protests and being brutalized and thrown in jail without charges, I don’t regret denying climate change, and look if you think I’m gonna get down on my knees and- will you stop sighing for crying out loud.
I: Oh yeah no, it’s just… I kinda forgot you did all that before uhhh… planning this.
DC: You need some gumption, right? Look here. I’m doing fine, you come in here, you check on the famous Don Cherry, and you expect, what? Some sort of praise? Am I a national treasure? Now I wouldn’t go that far. But when you come in here expecting an interview, I’m giving you an interview. I’m a mucker. I survive. Now those pansy liberals out there, crying about-
I: Uhhh can I use the-
DC: -police brutality. Listen, my producer, he’s a good lad, he’s been giving me these figures right? Rebel Media. Now I know you’re biased, you’re a lefty, you can’t help it. But if you take a-
I: -bathroom. Ah fuck it.
DC: -look. It’s all huey! Black Lives Matter? How about All-
At this point our interviewer began packing up as Don Cherry reportedly continued on an unprovoked tirade against taking down Sir John A. Macdonald monuments.
Don’t make us go through that again.
