NEW EDINBURGH, NS – A group of RCMP officers watched helplessly as white lobster fisherman broke into an Indigenous fishery, vandalized property, and set fire to a van. Armed with semi-automatic...
Pizza Pizza to start delivering gross slice you only buy because it’s 2am and you’re drunk
TORONTO – With COVID restrictions cutting into their customer base of ‘people who wandered in drunk because they recognized the orange sign’ Pizza Pizza has announced that they will ...
Super Mario 3D All-Stars Review: Your family doesn’t love you, only Mario loves you
Super Mario 3D All-Stars: 4/5 stars – Lets-a-go back in time with the new Super Mario 3D All-Stars collection including Super Mario 64, Super Mario Sunshine, and Super Mario Galaxy which after p...
Sting says don’t worry about the second or third wave because Love is the Seventh Wave
News in Photos....
Biden creates OnlyFans channel to capture key pervert vote
DELAWARE – Democratic party nominee Joe Biden has announced the opening of a new channel on OnlyFans in order to convey his message of national unity to the website’s army of loyal perverts. “I am thr...
Sask Premier Scott Moe leaves scene after colliding with debate
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has been reportedly involved in another accident, this time colliding into two debate podiums. The driver plowed through the CBC Saskatchewan galleria in ...
TTC tells riders who want physical distancing to only ride the Sheppard line
TORONTO – After telling riders physical distancing “will no longer be possible” on its vehicles, the TTC has clarified by pointing out that riders will easily be able to maintain 6 f...
“Trump is finished” declares man who thought Trump couldn’t win in 2016
VANCOUVER – After a detailed analysis of the latest polls and several visits to fivethirtyeight.com Martin Kilroy has announced his conclusion that Trump will definitely lose the 2020 election w...
Alberta Health Minister reduces maximum lifespan to 70
EDMONTON – In a sweeping round of cuts, Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro has revealed a significant reduction in the maximum life span of the province’s citizens. Shandro made the announcem...
FEMINISM WIN: This girl boss is reuniting the long-separated Church and State
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Watch out, the patriarchy! Total girlboss Amy Coney-Barrett is on her way to joining the Supreme Court, where she’ll use her combination glass-ceiling-slash-civil-rights-smash...
