VANCOUVER – After a detailed analysis of the latest polls and several visits to fivethirtyeight.com Martin Kilroy has announced his conclusion that Trump will definitely lose the 2020 election with nearly the same amount of vigor and certainty that he declared Trump could never win in 2016.
“It’s basic math. If you look at the state by state polls and early voting returns it’s clear that Trump has no path to victory,” said Kilroy who said the same exact thing in 2016, only then he said road to win instead of path to victory.
“To believe otherwise would be to think that polls simply don’t catch millions of white Americans who are unlikely voters but come out for Trump not despite his white supremacy, but because of it,” he said today and also October 29th, 2016.
Kilroy is confident that in a few short weeks America will return to normal, despite his previous assertion that “even if Trump does win, it won’t be so bad,” being just so fucking wrong.
He is already speculating about who Biden will appoint to his cabinet, how many seats the Democrats will add to the Supreme Court, and what the fun couple name will be for the inevitable bromance between Biden and Trudeau.
“‘JustJoe!’ It’s sitting right there,” said the man who had his #girlboss Hillary Clinton status ready to go in 2016.
“I’m telling you, I’ve done the research this time,” said Kilroy. “As long as ignore the rampant voter suppression, Russian interference and clear plan for the Conservative Supreme Court to declare Trump the winner no matter what the vote says, Biden can’t lose!”
Kilroy then announced plans to bet on the election, so that when Trump wins he can weep for both humanity and his savings account.