Despite food shortages, grocery stores report massive surplus of gluten free products

EDMONTON – While the COVID-19 quarantine has resulted in some grocery stores dealing with food shortages, availability of gluten-free products remains at an all-time high. “People are despe…

Man who has barely left basement apartment in months really enjoying his rich friends’ cottage photos

TORONTO – Local man Jerome Wittels has been housebound in his 300 sq. foot basement apartment since the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown began, but says he is getting quite a lot of enjoyment see…

Burglar who hid under bed to avoid getting caught has been waiting two months for woman to leave apartment

VANCOUVER – When cat burglar Blanche Hudson dove under the bed of intended victim Jane Davis after Davis unexpectedly returned home during an attempted robbery, Hudson had no idea that she …

Total loser misses friends and loved ones

KITCHENER — Social distancing protocols have separated Canadians for over two months, and while many are rising to the challenge of slowing the pandemic, total loser Ruth Kim recently admitted sh…

Scheer furious that 200,000 Canadians making more off financial fraud than he is

OTTAWA – Andrew Scheer blasted Justin Trudeau this week for reportedly ignoring the 200,000 suspected cases of fraud amongst CERB applicants, who are now making way more per week than he is…

Canadian geese offer ass-to-door delivery of hot load of sidewalk shit

VAUGHAN, ON – A new startup helmed by Canadian geese is promising to deliver direct ass-to-door sidewalk goose shit to customers via their app, Instacrap. “Nothing signals the beginning of …

Despite food shortages, grocery stores report massive surplus of gluten free products

TORONTO – While the COVID-19 quarantine has resulted in some grocery stores dealing with food shortages, availability of gluten-free products remains at an all-time high. “People are desper…

Restrictions remain in place for Ontarians who can’t afford cottages

ORILLIA – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that COVID-19 restrictions will still remain in place during the Victoria Day Weekend for those unable to afford cottages. “For those of yo…

5 best ways to celebrate frontline workers so you go viral

In these uncertain times that are so full of uncertainty we are all feeling an enormous amount of gratitude for the people at the frontlines of the fight against COVID-19. And we want to find a w…

Opinion: Why I’m boycotting Amazon unless I get bored or want something

In recent months, Amazon’s numerous infractions have become almost too big to ignore. As labour violations mount, I no longer feel comfortable giving them my business which is why I’ve bravely de…