Doug Ford starts Christmas celebrations with traditional cutting down of wind turbine
PRINCE EDWARD COUNTY, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford and his provincial counterparts got into the holiday spirit by chopping down their own Christmas wind turbine. Ford invited his friends …
Police arrest dealer responsible for selling speed to world population of squirrels
VANCOUVER – After a years-long joint investigation by multiple international agencies, authorities have finally arrested the drug kingpin responsible for supplying all squirrels with massiv…
“Might as well, I’m on vacation,” says local man as he drinks from puddle of radioactive waste
PICKERING, ON – Onlookers watched in fascination and horror today as Alexander Landau, a fifth grade teacher from Saskatoon, drank radioactive liquid from a puddle near Canada’s oldest nucl…
“You think you got problems, buddy?” sobs Scheer drunk on milk to bar patron
OTTAWA – A sad scene unfolded at an Ottawa bar as Andrew Scheer succumbed to the anxiety of an uncertain future as Conservative Party Leader drinking far too many dairy beverages. “Oh, your…
Old hummus containers at the back of fridge form union
HALIFAX — Earlier today, following years of unrest and maltreatment, the old hummus containers at the back of Emily Cooper’s fridge officially announced the formation of a union, Very Old H…
Details of Brian’s keto diet endured by all
CALGARY – For the past six months, resident know-it-all and general dud, Brian Thomson has forced every exhausting detail of his new keto diet on his innocent co-workers, friends, and famil…
Liberals deny newly created ministry is just political sloganism, says Minister of Getting ‘Er Done has clear mandate
OTTAWA – Despite the controversy surrounding its creation, the Liberals are adamant that a new ministry devoted to getting ‘er done is necessary and not a cynical and transparent attempt to…
Conservatives hoping to find leader that might finally appeal to Alberta
OTTAWA – After failing to win government, many in the Conservative party are wondering whether they should replace Erin O’Toole with a leader that will really shore up support in Albe…
Bill Peters asks Calgary GM to forward apology to black player if he gets the chance
CALGARY – Calgary Flames coach Bill Peters has asked the team’s GM to forward his apology letter to the black player he racially taunted and put down while he was a coach in the minor leagu…
No one more excited for your divorce than also divorced Julie from finance
ST. CATHARINES, ONT – Following the announcement that Alison Hampstead and her husband of six years have decided to end their marriage, Julie Holloman, who works in the finance department, has se…