Man who never stopped following lockdown protocols welcomes friends back with piercing, joyless laugh
TORONTO – Local man Jacob Bach, who continued to quarantine at home even as the city opened up during the spring and summer, is virtually welcoming friends back to the lockdown lifestyle wi…
City of Toronto now claims giving change to homeless people is tax evasion
TORONTO – After the city of Toronto issued a warning letter to a local carpenter for building cheap, efficient housing for unhoused residents, the city has doubled down and also made giving…
REPORT: Couples most successful at quarantining when one a master of disguise
CALGARY – According to a new study from the University of Calgary’s Sociology Department, during the 2020 global pandemic the couples having the most success cohabitating are those where on…
Torontonians flock to malls to get vital supplies of COVID before they close
TORONTO – With a lockdown looming Monday Torontonians have flooded malls and non-essential retail shops in order to stock up on needed COVID exposure. “I know grocery stores, pharmaci…
Local child living in sewers feels misled by Ninja Turtles
WINNIPEG – Former elementary school student Rowan Bird has been living in the sewers for several months, and feels that the popular franchise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has deceived him a…
Secular Quebec encourages non-Christians to temporarily convert to celebrate Christmas
QUEBEC – Quebec Premier Francois Legault is calling upon the province’s religious minority communities to temporarily convert to celebrate the lifting of COVID-19 restrictions. Gatherings o…
Alberta doesn’t understand why it needs a mask mandate if the provinces around it have mask mandates
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta is relieved that since B.C. and Saskatchewan have finally implemented long-awaited mask mandates to help stop the spread of COVID-19, Alberta can now av…
The Crown blasted for repeated portrayal of Britain
UNITED KINGDOM – After the release of the fourth season of The Crown on Netflix, critics are slamming the show for it’s repeated depiction of Great Britain. “Ugh look at them lampooning ol’…
Trudeau: If Canadians keep us in power for thirty more years, we promise to eventually do something about the environment
OTTAWA – The Liberal government has tabled their new Net-Zero Emissions Accountability Act in the House of Commons, finally coming through on their often cited election promise to do someth…
Attempted coup in global superpower much goofier than expected
WASHINGTON D.C. – The current attempt by Donald Trump and his Republican allies to subvert the will of the people and remain in power is, according to international observers, “way st…
