Julie Payette: I’m so sorry that my staffers are all a bunch of pussies
OTTAWA – Following news accounts of a scathing independent report into her workplace behaviour, Julie Payette resigned yesterday as Canada’s Governor General and released a public resignati…
Jason Kenney thanks Biden for giving him new thing to blame all of Alberta’s economic woes on
EDMONTON – Following incoming President Joe Biden’s decision to scrap approvals for the Keystone XL pipeline, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney called Biden to personally thank him for “basicall…
Russian opposition leader Navalny will get fair trial, says head judge Vladimir Rutin
MOSCOW – Following the arrest of frequent Vladimir Putin critic Alexei Navalny, skeptics have been assured that the upcoming trial will be fair and impartial, according to newly-appointed h…
Mitch McConnell bites hand that no longer feeds him
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning show of bravery Mitch McConnell has publicly blamed President Trump for the January 6th Capitol riots, effectively biting the hand that’s fed him for the past…
Alberta comforts grieving families by reminding them that COVID victims will someday turn into oil
EDMONTON, AB – As Alberta surpasses 1400 deaths from coronavirus, the Alberta Conservative government is consoling family and friends by reminding them that, under the right conditions, the…
Report: Trump still trying to get Biden to touch ‘Freaky Friday’ amulet
WASHINGTON D.C. – As Joe Biden is officially sworn in as the 46th president of the United States, insiders report that former president Trump is currently hiding in the White House hoping t…
Canada happy for friend who just got out of terrible relationship
OTTAWA – Canada is pleased as punch that its closest friend and neighbour is no longer in a long-term relationship with a real piece of shit. “It’s hard, when you see a powerful nation, one…
Breaking: Read the letter Trump left for Biden
After weeks of rumours that outgoing President Trump would break with tradition and not leave a letter for his successor Joe Biden, it has just been confirmed that he did in fact write a letter. …
Squatter removed from Washington home
WASHINGTON – A man who had been squatting in a historic mansion in Washington, DC has finally been evicted. The 74-year-old who successfully defrauded his way into leasing the 132 room esta…
Boris Johnson announces that UK residents will only be allowed to leave their homes to colonize a sovereign nation
LONDON, UK – Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced that, as a measure to combat the new strain of COVID-19, residents of the United Kingdom will only be permitted to leave their homes …
