O’ Toole clarifies only criminals in prison shouldn’t be vaccinated; Criminals in government still good to get theirs

BOWMANVILLE- After receiving backlash for his tweet that criminals should not be inoculated with the COVID vaccine before health care and front line workers, Leader of the Conservative Party of C…

Canadian physios overwhelmed as nation injured patting itself on the back

FORT LANGLEY, BC – Physiotherapists nationwide are reporting a sudden influx of Canadians who have been injured trying to pat themselves on the back after witnessing the chaos erupting in t…

Twitter suspends Trump’s Twitter account after waking up from four-year coma

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Twitter finally suspended Donald Trump’s account for twelve hours today after the President released a video praising a violent mob of his supporters who stormed the Uni…

Capitol Hill Police too tied up with 3 BLM protesters to deal with storming of Congress

WASHINGTON D.C. – Capitol Hill Police were unable to deal with hundreds of Trump supporters who stormed the Congressional Building earlier today since most of their resources were aimed at …

Your racist boss leads session on diversity in the workplace

YOUR TOWN, CANADA – Today, your boss, who is best known for making racist jokes and getting the names of your Black colleagues confused, will be holding a session on diversity and inclusion. “HR …

Experts warn city pipes unequipped for sudden influx of pubes following vaccine availability

OTTAWA – A panel of experts concluded earlier today that the nation’s infrastructure is ill-prepared for the onslaught of pubic hair that will accompany widespread covid immunity. “We…

Conservative, Liberal, NDP politicians find common ground over thinking they’re better than the rest of us

OTTAWA – After years of partisan rancour and division, federal and provincial politicians from the three major parties have finally found an issue they agree: lecturing Canadians to stay ho…

Update: Canadians realizing silver medal not worth health risk

EDMONTON – Canadians from across the country came to the realization that coming in second place wasn’t worth the risk of inviting dozens of international players and coaching staff to Cana…

Two dead after argument over oxford comma turns violent

Kelvington, SK – A rural community is grieving the loss of two residents after an argument at a local bar Sunday over the Oxford comma escalated into fatal violence. 42-year-old Graham King…

Spoiler alert! Series creator reveals next season of The Crown includes major character death

LONDON – Fans of The Crown are reeling after hearing news that one of the beloved characters of the series will die next season. “We want to prepare viewers early,” said series creator Pete…