I got every covid vaccine. Here’s how they all taste. - The Beaverton

I got every covid vaccine. Here’s how they all taste.

The government has approved several COVID for widespread use, and lots of us are debating which one we should get. Worry no longer, because I did the dirty work for you: I got my hands on every COVID vaccine, and here’s how they all tasted.

-BioNTech – TOO COLD! I’m all about putting a few ice cubes in my wine but this gave me MAJOR brain freeze. Had to throw it in the microwave for a few minutes to warm it up. Also, the taste is just horrendous – bitter, medical, GROSS! No idea why it seems like this is the one all of my friends are getting. Honestly feels way overhyped. Really glad I had a gin and tonic to rinse this one down. 4/10.

Moderna – Another mRNA vaccine. Another shot that makes my mouth feel like it’s been flavour-blasted by a bunch of rubbing alcohol somebody ran through a fax machine. That being said I did accidentally eat the lid too this time so that might have affected things, but I doubt it. 4/10, even that gross banana flavour they put in penicillin would be better than this.

Johnson and Johnson – Honestly I felt like I was getting half the serving size for the same price. There was barely enough fluid for my SodaStream to fizz. Also I don’t know why all of these vaccines taste so bad? I’ve eaten Nintendo Switch game cartridges with a more balanced flavour profile. 1/10, can’t believe the company that makes my favourite drinkable Baby Oil would do this to me.

Sputnik 5 – Don’t even bother with this one. It’s just straight vodka. 3/10, I prefer gin.

– I’m really happy they’re limiting this one to people 64 and under because the taste of this thing would definitely kill my grandma. This is without a doubt the bad boy of the vaccine world – barely 60% effective and may or may not turn all of your blood into one solid jello mass. But you know what? It’s been, like, 4 months since I really went out and partied. The risk made me feel alive again. 8/10, would sip again.

, the virus – Literally can’t taste anything at all! Would have been the perfect time to beer-bong all of those vaccines but apparently I “wasn’t allowed in the clinic” because “my sneezes are too forceful” and I was “infecting everybody.” I guess it doesn’t matter anyway because I literally drank every vial and still got sick. Fucking bogus. Still giving it 9/10 to piss off big pharma.