CALGARY – According to local sources, 34-year-old Damien Wilkes has already completed his New Year’s resolution to draw more fanart of Sonic the Hedgehog heavy with child. “Last year I resolved to im...
Beijing’s claims 1st Omicron case ‘arrived through mail’ refuted by anyone who has ever used Canada Post
TORONTO – Claims that the first case of the Omicron variant reported in Beijing ‘arrived on a parcel sent from Canada’ are being met with heavy skepticism by the scientific community as well as ...
Inspiring! This cat sensed its owner was about to have a seizure so it clawed his face and pissed on the carpet
TORONTO, ON ― Another pet has gone from cuddly companion to a life-saving hero after Peter Barkley’s cat Sprinkles sprung into action before he had a seizure. “It’s true that Sprinkles does often atta...
“My fucking back!” reports nation
OTTAWA – Reports from homes across the nation have indicated that they’ve hurt their back shovelling snow once again. “God dammit, my fucking back,” said Keith, David, Steve, D...
5 living room workouts that look like you’re laying on a yoga mat eating chips but you’re not
Hey there, hot stuff! With gyms being closed, it’s important to stay active at home! Turn that shambles-of-a-living-room (aka office/school/room where you regularly cry), into a fab fitness space! Any...
Local dad shovelling snow for hours clearly avoiding family
NORTH BATTLEFORD, SK – Local dad Todd Wolverton has been outside shovelling snow for an unnaturally long time, and experts suggest it may be that he is avoiding his family. “I think he’s been ou...
Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes
Do you feel like you have Omicron, even though you have three vaccinations, no symptoms, and haven’t stepped outside your foyer barricade since 2020? Don’t be ridiculous, you definitely have it. But p...
Breaking: Ontario teachers intentionally strand themselves in snowbanks for chance to actually speak with Doug Ford
ETOBICOKE — After reports surfaced that Doug Ford was spending Toronto’s first major blizzard of the year driving around helping drivers stranded by snow in his district, school teachers from ac...
Virtual schooling during snow day crashes Ontario’s ‘12 year olds shovelling your driveway for 10 bucks’ economy
TORONTO – The announcement that schools closed due to snow would still require students to attend via remote learning has thrown Ontario’s vital ’12 year olds ringing the doorbell an...
Toronto unreal estate agent sells house for 5 kajillion dollars
TORONTO – On another great day for the local imaginary housing market, non-realtor Wendy Phan has sold a lovely 2 and a half story house for 3 kajillion dollars over the asking price. The proper...
