Do you feel like you have Omicron, even though you have three vaccinations, no symptoms, and haven’t stepped outside your foyer barricade since 2020? Don’t be ridiculous, you definitely have it. But put your mind at ease by taking our quiz, comfortable in the fact that no matter what your answers are, you still definitely have it.
1. Does your nose itch? Like even a little?
My nose starts itching every time someone asks me if my nose itches.
No but I have a mosquito bite on my neck which shares skin with my nose.
2. Did you accidentally inhale during a solo elevator ride?
Yes but I pulled my sweater up over my third mask and took in just enough oxygen to keep from passing out.
I haven’t taken a breath since Delta.
3. Did your Covid test come up negative?
Yes, but I didn’t study for it so it’s probably wrong.
The first three did, waiting on results from the fourth.
4. What’s your favourite type of Greek column?
Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian.
Deltic, Omicronic, or Covidian.
5. Did you just wash your hands in scalding water for five minutes and then dry them with a towel that’s hanging on a rack that may have come in contact with another towel that wasn’t laundered immediately after the last time you dried your hands?
No, but still shit.
6. Do you have Omicron?
No, but yes.