Woman who doesn’t want children afraid of never having children
BURNABY, BC – Local woman, Nadine Tarzi, speaks out about definitely not wanting children and subsequently struggling with the possibility of never actually having any children. “The idea o…
Alberta justice minister investigating federal Liberals, NDP Opposition, media for ties to JFK assassination
EDMONTON – Alberta Justice Minister Kaycee Madu has opened up an investigation into the federal Liberals, NDP Opposition and the media’s role in the 1963 assassination of US President John …
Anticipating Bill C-11, nation’s TikTok users try dancing to The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald
OTTAWA – As rumours swirl that the Liberal Government’s Bill C-11 will give the CRTC the power to restrict social media users’ posts for not having enough CanCon, the country…
Doug Ford to re-open all of Ontario as long as everyone super pinky-swears to stop spreading COVID-19
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has relented to public pressure and permitted the re-opening of most major municipal centres so long as the population commits to a pinky-swear en m…
Online persona successfully hides crippling depression
TORONTO – We are happy to report that your online persona has successfully hidden your crippling depression from your followers across social media. By portraying a heavily curated version …
Manitoba moves schools to North Dakota
WINNIPEG – Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister announced all of Manitoba’s schools will be relocated to North Dakota for the remainder of the school year until the province’s pandemic subsides…
Queen ant gets 27,000 cards for Mother’s Day
BRANTFORD, ON – The queen of a local ant colony awoke on Mother’s Day to find herself bombarded with thousands upon thousands of cards from her children. “Thank you, Anthony, that’s very sweet,” …
Toronto roommates stuck together for another lockdown decide to finally kill Trevor
TORONTO – Local roommates Deborah Maine, Josh Goodman, and Keith Smith have decided to get around to killing their fourth roommate Trevor Lewin after learning they are all stuck with him fo…
Subway station playing classical music plagued by loitering elderlies
TORONTO – As a means to deter young loiterers, TTC officials have begun playing a classical music compilation over the Dundas subway station intercom, which in turn has attracted groups of …
Adorable! This boy found a bird with a broken wing, nursed it back to health, and then explained to it what NFTs are
OWEN SOUND, ON – A heartwarming scene unfolded earlier this week when nine-year-old Billy Simmons rescued a chickadee that had fallen out of its nest and gave it a crash course on non-fungible to…
