CALGARY – Albertans are headed to the polls today to make an important determination of whether they want to change the Canadian constitution to get rid of equalization payments, and if they’d like to be able to fly high in the sky like Superman.
“We figured as long as we are asking people about something they have no power to change, we might as well go all the way,” said Premier Jason Kenney, running around his house with his arms extended making airplane sounds.
“It’s about leverage. If the vote passes Trudeau will have to take our demands for a new equalization formula seriously, and God will have to really consider whether he should give his retractable wings that we can shoot out of our bodies when we want to go for a nice ol’ fly.”
The question simply reads ‘Should the section of the Constitution enshrining the principle of equalization payments be removed and also should we as humans be able to jump off a tall building without worrying about gravity?’
“I can’t wait until I see the look on Trudeau’s face when this non-binding, low turnout referendum cancels equalization payments once and for all,” said resident Lyle Mackey. “Which I will see as I fly by his third floor window.”
If the referendum succeeds future referendum questions will ask Albertans things like ‘Should the Oilers or Flames win the Stanley Cup every year, Should trucks be made even cooler and Should Alberta no longer be landlocked?’