OP-ED: Big Pharma put all of the chips in the vaccines and now I can’t get a PS5
Written by: Joel Overbeck Look. I’m a simple guy. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. All I need is a roof over my head, a generic live-in female to cater to my every whim, and an $800 super-c…
IN MEMORIAM: Ontario’s vaccine mandate gone too soon
QUEEN’S PARK – In a sad day for public health fans everywhere, the Ontario vaccine mandate was officially confirmed as deceased in the early hours of March 1, 2022. The Ontario vaccine mand…
“Now let’s do a silly one,” says man dictating his will
REGINA – After dictating his will to his lawyer, sources report that Edward Irwin asked if they could also do a “fun one.” “For this one, let’s start by leaving half my money to my cat, Jean Catt…
100% of Canadians pretty sure they’ve had COVID already
OTTAWA – Health Canada has released the results of a national survey over the past week which confirms expert suspicions that every person in the country is confident they’ve already caught COVID…
Local fiancé insists that buying wedding rings in bulk is totally normal
CAMPBELLVILLE, ON ― Local man Tanner Kendall recently reassured his fiancée, Selena O’Neil, that he was buying his wedding rings in a 4-pack because it’s cheaper, and definitely not because he ha…
Jason Kenney imposes mandatory freedom on Alberta
RED DEER – Premier Jason Kenney has said he intends to pass legislation that will remove the ability of municipalities to enforce their own mask mandates, thereby forcing freedom onto millions of…
Immersive art experience really just for only two senses
TORONTO – While attending the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit, visitors were disappointed that despite being advertised as immersive, the experience involved only two senses, seeing and hearing.…
Ontario opens restaurants to everyone who isn’t immunocompromised or a parent of young kids
ONTARIO – Doug Ford’s government has finally brought to an end the province’s vaccine mandates for restaurants, allowing everyone to once again enjoy dining at the province̵…
Climate Change considering makeover to stand out amongst shiny new calamities
NEW YORK – A dire new report released by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) on the horrific effects of the climate crisis has been swiftly overshadowed by news about the R…
Inventor of the children’s toy Slime thrown in jail for 34 consecutive life sentences
LOS ANGELES – Chemist/Toy Inventor George Earnshaw, the inventor of the children’s toy Slime, has been sentenced to 34 consecutive life sentences for ruining countless lives and rugs around…
