Every Canadian 90’s kid remembers Student Bodies, that sometimes-corny but oh-so-watchable high school sitcom. But whatever happened to the stars of the show? Well, get ready to feel old, b…
Culture
Grateful nation waits with shotgun over George A. Romero’s grave
TORONTO – A mourning country paid its respects to celebrated Canadian film maker George A. Romero yesterday evening by standing outside his grave with shotguns, shovels, and long knives. “M…
Insufferable beer snob to become insufferable weed snob
TORONTO – With the approaching legalization of cannabis, local beer snob Timothy Davis is excited to develop a condescending attitude about marijuana. “Much like Belgian beers, I think that…
To appease male fans, Doctor Who announces every Dalek will have visible penis
LONDON – After severe backlash from male fans following the casting of Jodie Whittaker as the first-ever female Doctor, the producers of Doctor Who have announced that every single Dalek in…
New HBO warning system tells viewers when they shouldn’t watch an episode with their mom
NEW YORK CITY – HBO will use the season seven premiere of Game of Throne to introduce a new rating system that will warn viewers if the episode they are about to watch should or definitely …
Extreme fitness gym uses Nazi slogan as motivational quote
CORNWALL, ON – The extreme fitness gym Shred Heads is facing struggles of its own after several of the motivational quotes stencilled on its walls turned out to be Nazi slogans. “I think it…
Millennial with six jobs killing it, dying
TORONTO – Local woman Jess Nguyen, 26, is currently making a considerable amount of money working six part-time jobs, while also slowly dying of fatigue and several untreated illnesses. “It…
Get excited Millennials: Russian State Television is bringing back “Happy Time with Oksana and Michail”
All you 90’s kids better get hella excited, because you’re about to get hit with a major nostalgia bomb. This week, the All-Russia State Television Company announced that they’re bringing back th…
New Netflix program just a live feed of your friends having fun without you
LOS GATOS, CA – Netflix has recently announced its newest slate of programming, including the hotly anticipated binge-worthy show A Live Feed of Your Friends Having Fun Without You, which w…
New Spider-Man film mostly scenes of Uncle Ben dying
HOLLYWOOD – At the world premiere of Marvel’s Spider-Man: Homecoming, fans of the franchise were treated to a new Spider-Man story, in which Uncle Ben dies a number of times in many differe…
