OTTAWA – A social media trend created in response to producer Harvey Weinstein’s assault allegations has reportedly exhausted methods for women to say “Yes all women”, “Me too”, “Obviously”, “I can’t believe we’re still going through this”, and “OH MY GOD WHY WON’T YOU BELIEVE ME?! IS EVERYONE FUCKED?! DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!”.
“Well first we had #yesallwomen,” said social media expert and alive woman, Stephanie Cannish. “Then we had #metoo, #Yesobviously, #ifyou’reawomandhavewalkeddownthestreetthenyes, #yesbecauseihavebeenincontactwithmen, and, #atfirstithoughtnotmebutthenirealizedyesforsuremesomuchsothatmybrainforgot. But these hashtags were pretty difficult to follow. And it’s imperative that the hashtags are easy to follow considering the hoops people jump through to deliberately misunderstand women.”
As the 24-hour news cycle threatens to move on, many women feel an urgency to affect change in the women’s rights movement by coming up with memorable hashtags that are culturally important. However, synonyms are harder to come by, as experts warn, there are only so many words in the dictionary.
The nation’s men are currently attempting to help in the fight for women’s equality. However, according to sources, men are having issues identifying if they too have been predators or in identifying any predators they may know personally. Many are reportedly asking the nation’s women to, “name names” because, “their friend Tom is a good guy, but they have maybe heard that Tom treats women like shit. But actually, if could you not name the names of our friends?”
“I like the hashtag, #metoo. It’s to the point and lets society know that sexual harassment is happening all the time,” said Tess Branch, social activist, and emotionally exhausted human being. “We want the hashtags to affect men in a way that doesn’t scare them, considering women know what it’s like to be scared all THE GODDAMN TIME!”
At press time the nation’s women are sticking with the hashtag ‘#metoo’, and hoping that it will affect a cultural shift but are reportedly not holding their breath, because sources say they want to keep living.