MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA – After continued criticisms about its role in the 2016 Election, Facebook’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg announced that his company would be implementing a new algorithm to stop t…
Local man unsure if Olympics just started or already over
WINNIPEG – After two weeks of competition, Pete Franklin is completely unaware if the Winter Olympic Games have just kicked off or finished days ago. “I heard that the opening and/or closing cere…
Bannon steps down from Breitbart to spend more time drinking alone
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Steve Bannon, former Chief Strategist for President Donald Trump, will be stepping down as Executive Chairman of Breitbart News so he can devote more of his time to drink…
Census data confirms households with children don’t care who started it, just apologize to your sister
OTTAWA – After analyzing the most recent Census data, Statistics Canada confirms that families with children under twelve years old aren’t in the mood to hear any of it, so just apologize t…
Raffi sinks millions into failed BananaPhone
Victoria BC – After ten years of research and development, acclaimed singer-songwriter, Raffi Cavoukian admits that he has been unable to produce a functioning smart device known only as the ‘Ban…
Hero cat saves entire family from full night of sleep
NANAIMO, BC – The Russell family was saved from another full night of sleep when their cat, Mittens began meowing for no apparent reason at 4 in the morning. “We were all just peacefully laying i…
Netflix announces retro TV series consisting entirely of scrambled porn
LOS ANGELES – With nostalgic hits such as Stranger Things, Gilmore Girls, and Fuller House, the streaming giant Netflix has greenlit another 80’s and 90’s inspired series made of nothing but scra…
Friends celebrate after couple reposts wedding photos for third time
YOUR FACEBOOK FEED – The Internet is abuzz with ‘likes’ and ‘hearts’ after beloved married people, Jennifer and Richard Wilkinson, posted their black and white wedding photos yet again. “Sure the…
Pizza Pizza celebrates 50th anniversary by ordering Dominos for entire office
TORONTO – In order to celebrate serving what could be described as pizza for 50 years, Pizza Pizza bought all their employees Dominos for lunch. “Everyone is super excited to be rewarded for our …
NDP excited to pick leader strong enough to split the left wing vote
OTTAWA – With the NDP leadership race revving up, party members are enthusiastic about finding a leader popular enough to divide progressive voters straight down the middle. “I’ve been dreaming o…