SAN BRUNO, CA – Panic spread across the globe as millions of procrastinators discovered that Youtube had suffered an outage and they would have to spend a part of the evening finishing work they …
Local couple celebrates anniversary with cellphone lit dinner
EDMONTON – After three years together, Joseph Webber and Nina Crawford celebrated their relationship with an unforgettable night out staring at their phones. The two began by reading up on Yelp f…
Trinity Bellwoods Park introduces bottle service
TORONTO – In partnership with Smirnoff Citrus TM one of Toronto’s most popular parks to get totally hammered in, Trinity Bellwoods, is implementing bottle service at all its picnic tables. “For y…
Local woman evangelizing for new diet like a burning bush told it to her
WINNIPEG – Since starting a ketogenic diet 4 days ago, Garden City resident Raekell Griggs has begun trying to recruit friends for the diet with a fervour usually only found in those who ar…
Trump excited to welcome ‘Canada Pence’ to White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise revelation, Donald Trump announced that he is looking forward to meeting a former Canadian Prime Minister, which he repeatedly referred to as “Canada Pence”. “Tre…
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …
Protesters as shocked as you are that they actually managed to halt Trans Mountain Pipeline
BURNABY, BC – Surprise washed over protesters on Sunday as oil conglomerate Kinder Morgan announced that construction of the Trans Mountain Pipeline had suddenly come to a stop. “Seriously?…
Investigators baffled by mysterious body found inside wooden box buried under stone marker
GRIMSBY, ON – After weeks of extensive investigation the RCMP announced today that they have absolutely no clue how, or why a body was buried six feet under ground, beneath a large stone cross, i…
Spring-cleaning hack: put everything into a black garbage bag and stuff it in your closet
Who likes cleaning? Idiots, that’s who. So this spring-cleaning season be smart and try this amazing time saving hack! Just follow these 5 simple steps. Step 1 – Spend 15 minutes (25 tops) …
After once again losing at Roll Up The Rim, local man breaks down and buys Jet Ski
Peterborough, ON – Suffering yet another horrific loss at Tim Horton’s quasi-gambling game, Roll Up The Rim, Scott Heller has decided that he can’t live a day longer without a Jetski. “I think so…