OTTAWA – As the Liberal and Conservative parties poll in a dead heat to form Canada’s next government, an aggregate of polls show that absolutely not one single voter can explain why this e…
Following emergency lockdown, Jason Kenney announces impromptu apology Stampede
EDMONTON – Following the announcement of strict new measures to combat the out of control spread of COVID-19, Premier Jason Kenney announced he will make it up to Albertans by holding a sur…
Antivaxxer spends day protesting hospital where he’ll spend next month intubated
TORONTO – Local anti-vaccine protestor Brayden Crosby, 32, spent today demonstrating against COVID-19 vaccine mandates outside the hospital where he will coincidentally be admitted for chro…
Anti-vax protestors throw rocks at Trudeau due to not having entered Bronze Age yet
LONDON, ON – During an election campaign stop Prime Minister Justin Trudeau faced anti-vaccine protestors who hurled rocks, namely because they lack the intelligence and evolutionary capabi…
Andrea Horwath announces bold plan to never, ever, ever become premier
TORONTO – Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath announced that she would oppose mandatory COVID vaccinations for teachers, yet another plank in her expansive new plan to never become Ontario’s …
Alberta relaxes COVID precautions, demands Trudeau build them a COVID pipeline for exports
EDMONTON – After announcing the removal of most COVID protocols despite rising case numbers, Alberta has publicly called on Ottawa to build them a pipeline expressly for exporting the virus…
Ford defends Ontarians’ constitutional right to infect their neighbours with Delta variant
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford firmly rejected the possibility of vaccine passports or forcing immunizations, citing Ontarians’ constitutional right to contract the deadly COVID-19 virus …
Bezos, Musk, Branson announce plan to launch giant pile of money into space
SPACEPORT AMERICA — Billionaire entrepreneurs Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk have announced plans to pool their resources to launch a collective $100 billion dollars in unmarked…
Donald Rumsfeld to finally get chance to confront Saddam Hussein
THE AFTERLIFE – Former U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who died today at the age of 88, will reportedly get his long-awaited chance to confront deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein…
Doug Ford says he’s working “day and night” to find way to screw up Ontario COVID success
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario premier Doug Ford has come forward to calm concerns that he is doing nothing, by insisting he and his team are working “day and night” to find a way to screw up…
