Roman philosopher Seneca disappointed in college named after him
TORONTO – Seneca, the roman stoic philosopher and advisor to Roman Emperor Nero, has voiced his displeasure at the college that carries his name. “I know I teach that we should all strive t…
Dr. Deadgrave Scary-Boo struggling to think of fun Twitter name for Halloween
MIRAMICHI, NB – After racking his brain for hours, local ophthalmologist Dr. Deadgrave Scary-Boo has been unable to think of a clever Halloween themed name change for his Twitter profile. “…
Vancouver Ferrari dealership announces diamond-encrusted “new driver” decal upgrade
VANCOUVER – Vancouver’s Ferrari dealership has launched a luxury “New Driver” decal upgrade option. The premium sticker caters to the teenage offspring of ultra-rich parents who are for som…
Local adult “only has 2 weeks” to finish Halloween costume
PRINCE RUPERT – Despite being a 33-year-old adult male with a job and bills to pay, local copywriter Ben Gibson has expressed concern that he will be unable to complete his Edward Scissorha…
Bank staff amused by charmingly bumbling robbery attempt, 14 dead
KINGSTON – Staff at a TD Bank branch in Kingston have described a recent robbery attempt committed by three adorably inept criminals as endearingly entertaining. 14 bystanders were killed in the …
Local man devastated after toasting bread on “Bagel” setting
Saskatoon, SK — Local contractor Gord Sawchuk was struck by misfortune this morning when two thick slices of cinnamon raisin bread were ejected from his toaster with only a single toasted s…
Baseball announcer refuses to use the offensive term “Cleveland”
CLEVELAND – MLB announcer Jerry Howarth will be refusing to call the Blue Jay’s ALCS opponents by their city’s name as some find the word “Cleveland” to be downright offensive. “I have stop…
Whistler named most livable city in Australia
Whistler, BC – Canadian resort town Whistler was recently named the most livable city in Australia beating out several other prominent Australian cities in a poll conducted by the publication The…
TTC concerned as signal system begins upgrading itself
TORONTO – After a recent series of service delays, workers at the Toronto Transit Commission have reported that trackside signalling equipment has become self-aware and is now improving itself au…
Bob Dylan wins Nobel Prize in Literature for his contributions to high school seniors’ yearbook quotes
STOCKHOLM – The Swedish Academy today announced that American folk singer, Bob Dylan, would be the 2016 recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature, owing to his contributions to high school yearb…
