CEO hoping to sexually harass his way out of sexual harassment lawsuit
St-Hyacinthe, QC – Inside sources say that the CEO of Pullman’s Quality Meats, who is being sued by an employee for sexual harassment, is attempting to win the suit with an elaborate plan, …
Covert CIA plot to wait until Fidel Castro dies of old age successful
Langley, VA – A decades-long plot to get Cuban dictator Fidel Castro to pass away peacefully in his sleep has come to fruition, according to a statement from the CIA. “We are proud to annou…
Marineland rebrands by being cruel to all animals, not just whales
NIAGARA FALLS – Officials at Marineland are adopting a new strategy in branding by being cruel to all of the animals, rather than just the marine mammals. “The mistreatment of the orcas and…
75% of stuff in parents’ cupboards just things to make pooping easier
REGINA – A study conducted by scientists at the University of Regina has found that a full 75% of the items found in the nation’s parents’ cupboards serve the sole purpose of making the eva…
Gardiner fan “stoked to finally pay this sick highway what it deserves”
TORONTO – Self-proclaimed “Gardiner nut” Candace Matthews was thrilled when Toronto mayor John Tory proposed road tolls for her favourite highway earlier this week. “I always felt bad using…
Vancouver gang violence spikes as Aquabus, False Creek Ferry descend into turf war
VANCOUVER – Gang violence in the coastal city of Vancouver has risen sharply in recent weeks due to a turf war between two rival miniature ferry companies: False Creek Ferries and Aquabus. …
How To: Change A Lightswitch
Changing a lightswitch is pretty tricky stuff. The Beaverton How To is here to help with your weekly dose of educational content.…
Level-headed man won’t judge Trump until he reads harrowing account of presidency written by 13 year-old Jewish girl forced to hide in attic
TORONTO – Despite over a year of divisive campaigning and hundreds of inflammatory comments, local man Derek Miller says he’ll only condemn Trump if a publishing house releases the affectin…
7 musicals that should have more cats in them and 1 that shouldn’t
With the immense mainstream popularity of shows like ‘Book of Mormon’ and now ‘Hamilton,’ it seems we may be entering another golden age of musicals. But all is not perfect on Broadway. Crafting …
Total madman invites you to go camping this weekend
THUNDER BAY — Despite cold temperatures, forecasts of snowy squalls, and the fact that the Sleeping Giant Provincial Park camping season ended over a month ago, local crazy person Eric Wear has i…
