Vancouver’s use of organic salt-alternative for sidewalks backfires

VANCOUVER – The City of Vancouver’s plan to use a more environmentally friendly alternative to salt has not been effective at reducing the ice that still coats most of the municipality’s si…

Breaking: douchebag facebook friend to run for Conservative Party Leader

Sydney, N.S. – Ending months of speculation and rumour, that annoyingly conservative guy from your facebook who you went to school with has announced that he will indeed run to be leader of…

Cure for cancer? These doctors eradicate cancer cells using only scalpels, radiation, and chemotherapy

Big news: using only traditional methods like scalpels, radiation and chemotherapy, a group of doctors at University of Alberta have managed to cure cancer in some patients. This could save milli…

Update: People you’re trying to get away from with camping trip also have free Parks Canada passes

CANADA – Early reports indicate that every person you would dread to see on your planned escape into one of Canada’s majestic national parks this summer will also be there thanks to the fed…

Elon Musk introduces latest; large clock ominously counting down

  We may never know the purpose behind Elon Musk’s latest invention.…

Exhausted conservationist just going to focus on keeping rats from extinction this year

TORONTO – After decades of work during the greatest mass extinction since the Cretaceous, local conservationist Delina Jones is just going to set herself an achievable goal for 2017, by kee…

Experts: old celebrities to continue dying in 2017

The last 12 months claimed the lives of an exceptional amount of older celebrities including Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Carrie Fisher, Leonard Cohen and Muhammed Ali, just to name a few. However,…

Report: Canada’s champion hotdog eater has already eaten more hotdogs than you will in an entire year

SCHREIBER, ON – Before Canadians finish their dinners at 6:47 PM ET tonight, Canada’s competitive hotdog eater Darrell Rigby will have already consumed 58 hotdogs, one more than the annual …

Local Man aghast Popeyes doesn’t serve spinach

EDMONTON, AB – Hoping to emulate the healthy diet of the classic cartoon character, local man, Howard Morovitz, 38, attempted to order spinach at restaurant chain Popeyes, and was appalled …

Local man keeping New Year’s resolutions secret like he is some kind of fucking spy or something

CALGARY – Local man Gary Delaney is refusing to tell anyone what his New Year’s resolutions are, because apparently he thinks he is a top secret government official who must protect his clo…