TORONTO – Owners of popular pot chain Cannabis Culture, Marc and Jodie Emery were shocked on Wednesday evening when their arrest at Pearson airport brought on the creeping realization that they were about to receive the same treatment as drug dealers of other ethnicities.
“Ordinarily we wouldn’t charge someone of their skin colour,” said Chief of Police Mark Saunders. “But it was just so blatant and disrespectful. I mean, they named their illegal drug operation ‘Cannabis Culture’. Even for white people we have to draw the line somewhere.”
Police rounded up the owners as part of Project Gator, the 57th anti-marijuana operation this year and the first to target caucasian dealers. The surprising arrests were part of a police initiative born of the realization that, much like socially-maligned ethnicities, white people who openly broke the law could also be arrested.
“I can’t believe we’re being treated like this. I always thought the police were cool uncle-ish, or maybe like a step-dad who’s kinda lenient cause he’s boning your mom,” said Marc Emery. “Like, they’d get mad at you for appearances sake but then pull you aside and say ‘just do it out of the house’.”
“Unless you’re black of course.”
However, despite the mountain of evidence, the Emerys are expected to get off after their lawyer uses the highly-successful “it’s medicinal for white people” defense.