World's sleazy club owners prepare to celebrate International Ladies' Night - The Beaverton
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World’s sleazy club owners prepare to celebrate International Ladies’ Night

WORLDWIDE – Saying that it was the one day of the year when they could truly show their thanks, gross bar owners the world over are in the last stages of preparation for International Ladies’ Night.

“It’s a good chance to give back to all the fine mamacitas that keep the guys buying drinks,” said Kentucky bar owner Lester Dolan, his purple shirt unbuttoned to his navel. “And who knows? Maybe some of them will totally lez out tonight.”

International Ladies’ Night is celebrated by dirty sports pubs, redneck bars, and cocaine lounges around the world. For many of them, it’s the only night of the year where all can get access to free body shots and 50 cent wings while being hit on by guys wearing 8 karat gold chains.

“It’s important to give back to the female community. Without them– wait hold on a sec. Hey! HEY! Where ya headin’ girls?” shouted Rolf Groz, a German warehouse rave booker, at three businesswomen walking to a meeting. “C’mon! Show me what you’re working with!”

At press time, after much deliberation the had once again decided against shaving their backs.

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