Man on bus needs to tell someone, anyone that it’s 4:20 PM

TORONTO – After looking at his watch and stifling a giggle, local man Dave Calhoun is now trying to make eye-contact with literally anybody else on the bus, so that he can let them know it’…

Congress delivers final insult to Obama by keeping White House security deposit

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than two weeks left in the White House, U.S. President Barack Obama was surprised to discover Congress would not be returning the $650 security deposit he gave …

Justin Trudeau’s Liberals discover a new health benefit of medical marijuana

  Tonight at 10pm ET on The Comedy Network: Justin Trudeau’s Liberals discover a new health benefit of medical marijuana.…

What, you thought I liked normal sex?

Yesterday as I was enjoying my standard evening of watching youtube clips of houses burning down and berating my youngest son for no reason I saw a breaking CNN report about my longstanding ties …

Adorable! Five puppies who are sick of being your emotional crutch

All puppies are cute. But these five have a certain je ne sais quoi that really makes them cry out “Stop making me the symbol of all the love you haven’t received!” Whether it’s their sweet, high…

Local 26 year-old thought more about croissants than own parents this week

VANCOUVER – As he took stock of his week on Saturday afternoon, local 26 year-old Kyle Allen realized that he had spent more time thinking about croissants than about the two people who con…

1000 year old wizard reclaims word “millennial”

SUDBURY – Prominent sorcerer of darkness Ragnicius the Cobbled has recently announced plans to reappropriate the term “millennial” to denote the demographic of wizards born before the…

Report: 78% of nation’s municipal infrastructure funds spent on single Montreal overpass

MONTREAL —  An audit has revealed that tens of billions in infrastructure spending has been dedicated to repairing a single overpass along Autoroute 15 in Montreal. All other national infra…

Rookie Minister of Youth Justin Trudeau survives Trudeau’s cabinet shuffle

OTTAWA – Despite a cabinet shuffle that saw prominent MPs Stephane Dion and John McCallum moved aside, inexperienced Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs and Youth Justin Trudeau has manag…

5 ways to fool your family into thinking you’re doing something with your life

Sometimes it’s difficult to make things happen. If you’re a millennial throwing your life away on technology, social media conversations, and a dream that you will one day be able to …