Fort Meade, MD. – Following Trump senior counselor Kellyanne Conway’s speculation that Trump was wiretapped with a microwave, the US National Security Agency unveiled a new line of home appliances for ‘totally unrelated reasons.’
“We here at the NSA are proud to showcase our latest innovations for the American home,” said NSA director Richard Ledgett. “From dishwashers to vacuums, we’ve got a ton of new affordable appliances you should definitely put into every room of your home as soon as possible.”
The NSA line of appliances received rave reviews from early-access bloggers despite initial criticism that items were ‘unusually bulky’ and made ‘strange high-pitched noises.’
“I would like to state, out of my own free will, and under no direct threat, that my NSA washing machine is an incredible home appliance,” writes blogger Anthony Bang. “I will keep one in my laundry room, one in my bedroom, and one in my guest bedroom too. You should definitely do the same if you love clean clothes and America as much as I do.”
Reports confirm that the appliance rollout is the biggest since the NSA’s failed line of cellphones, laptops, and vibrators.