Sudbury, ON – Yet another work shift at a local steel mill was ruined this evening, as local protagonist Dr. Rick Powers had his final face off against sworn rival and disgraced former Lieutenant Jerreth Savage.
“Again? Are you kidding me with this?” exclaimed floor manager Gord Henson. “Go avenge your partner somewhere else, you prick!”
Following a high-speed car chase and subsequent shootout, the two men burst into the mill at approximately 12:30 am, at which point all employees of the mill were forced to cease working as the mortal enemies swung around on chains and tried to kung-fu each other to death.
“Mr. Square-Jaw over there sees some sparks and thinks this will be a great spot for his denouement,” said Henson. “And now I’ve got 64 people who can’t work because that blood slick is a slipping hazard.”
“Third goddamn time this year.”
Several employees reported that this a common occurrence, with some claiming that they had heard similar stories from family and friends who worked at quarries, marinas, laboratories, shipping factories, docks, scrapyards, moving trains, and under-construction high-rise buildings.
“What really gets me is that these guys always leave their mess and disappear into the night,” said employee Sarah McCullough. “He leaves a body, a human body, stuck in our compactor, and just looks at me and says “I guess Savage was pressed for time.””
At press time, Powers had passionately kissed the woman from Act 1, hotwired and ‘commandeered’ the car of a mill employee, and driven off into the horizon until “next time.”
