Queen’s students torn on which racist theme-party to go to tonight
KINGSTON, ON – A group of Queen’s University students are divided on which of the five cultural appropriation costume parties they would like to attend this evening. Negotiations to break t…
Genetic Lottery Commercial
What would you do if you won the genetic lotto? The Beaverton airs tonight at 10:30pm (et) on The Comedy Network, immediately followed by our writers panel Facebook Livestream.…
Struggling Toronto Symphony Orchestra rebrands as buddy-cop comedy
TORONTO – Following yet another quarter of disappointing returns, the Toronto Symphony Orchestra has decided to rebrand itself into a buddy-cop comedy. “Let’s be frank, most people don’t kn…
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Michael Chong
Name: Michael Chong Background: As Minister of Sport in the Harper Cabinet, he was the backup goaltender for Team Canada’s hockey team during the 2006 Turin Olympics and had a 3.25 GAA. Chong wak…
TFC’s Giovinco tragically unable to stop scoring goals in everyday life
TORONTO – Despite not having played a game in several days, Toronto FC forward Sebastian Giovinco’s body has not allowed him to stop scoring goals, netting thirty-two in total across venues…
7 YTV PJ’s that are still alive
Remember when YTV was full of the most hilarious, entertaining and chewing gum based personalities? They were called PJs and we loved them all. Sadly, most are now long dead but let’s check in an…
TTC to implement “surge pricing”
TORONTO – Faced with a multi-million dollar budget shortfall and decreasing ridership, the Toronto Transit Commission is looking to raise funds and control congestion by instituting “…
Sabra Listeria recalled for possible hummus contamination
OTTAWA – Sabra Dipping Company is voluntarily recalling several brands of its Listeria products for possibly coming into contact with hummus. The flavours that are being recalled in Canada …
Canada to sign Great Ape Research Ban as soon as we finish the Chimpan-Zed
OTTAWA – Facing pressure from animal rights groups, science Minister Kirsty Duncan announced today that Canada will sign an international ban against scientific experimentation on great ape…
Update: Childhood dog still dead
YOUR HOMETOWN — An urgent press bulletin has confirmed that your beloved childhood pet, the one whose tragic passing you thought you would never recover from, is still “deceased, departed, …
