DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – After yet another day of protests and media rebukes, Donald Trump is privately wondering if this backlash is due to a planned policy, enacted policy, an offensive tweet, or one of the several insane things he said in his most recent interview.
“Honestly, it could be anything,” mused the President as he looked for clues in his day-planner. “Lessee, I was scheduled to tacitly endorse anti-Semitism, openly endorse Islamophobia, lie about a terrorist attack, and make fun of a seeing-eye dog. Pretty full day.”
President Trump then checked some of the trending hashtags that might offer a clue, including #NotTodayTrump and #EndFascism. Unfortunately for the leader of the free world, the tweets contained few specifics.
“Well, maybe I can get a look at the protest signs from here,” said Trump, grabbing a pair of binoculars from his desk drawer and training them on the crowd gathered outside the White House gates. “Hmmm. One says ‘Nasty Trump’ and there are a few ‘Pussy Grabs Back’ placards. Maybe it’s a women’s rights thing?”
“Hey, Pence! Did we defund Planned Parenthood today?”
At press time, a spokesperson for the protesters said they weren’t totally sure why they were there either, but that Trump had absolutely done something to deserve it.e
